I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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