I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
