remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Someone shattered a urinal.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
