I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
