so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
