Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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