I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
