sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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