so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
