She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
