I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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