shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
