halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
