I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
