I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
