he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize