ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
