Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
