Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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