i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize