My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It's official drugs can't kill me
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Randomize
