So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
