Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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