you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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