i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
