Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
