I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
