Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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