i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
