I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
