Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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