last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
