yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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