I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
