bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
