Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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