The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
