hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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