Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
