She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
