The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
