Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
