i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
