so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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