take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
