apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
