WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
