I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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