OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
