i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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