Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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