so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
