Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
