i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
