you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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