why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
