dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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