Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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