and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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