Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Everything about him screamed your future.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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