I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
