yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
