I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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