What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
