I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
