I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize