Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
