Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It's official drugs can't kill me
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
